Sunday night we slept badly and woke up
at 4:00am with heavy hearts as we faced the first day in Jubab’s life that did
not include his happy and playful brother Dondon. The thought of seeing
Dondon’s dead body and of all the wailing and screaming that we would hear -
especially from the unsaved family members, filled us with dread.
There were fifteen family members
including some extended family, waiting at the funeral parlour where his body
had been taken to be embalmed. Funny thing here is that outside the big, public
hospitals, representatives of the different funeral parlours are waiting to
swoop down on anybody who is in distress or grief. As soon as they find out
that they have someone who has died, they are there trying to cut a deal and
before the bereaved family can really work out what is going on, they are
whisked away in a hearse. This is what happened to Bubuy, Wila and Nayumi. In
no time, they found themselves being bundled into a hearse with Dondon’s body
and were taken to a funeral parlour and actually ended up at a different one to
what they thought they were going to --- but God worked it out for good because
the place they were taken to was much nicer.
The dreaded moment of having to go to
the open coffin and view Dondon’s body came and each one of the family hugged
us and wept. Nayumi’s face looked ashen with grief and Wila’s face was
exhausted and lined with shock and sorrow. Jubab’s first thought as he looked
down at Dondon’s face - at his mouth that can’t talk or laugh anymore and at
his eyes that can’t open anymore - was Dondon’s words to him when he was put in
ICU for the first time: “Hey Bub, we can’t play here can we?” Jubab, even
though he is the youngest in his birth family, has somehow been given the
position of an older brother, and in times like these he carries a heavy
responsibility to comfort his brothers and his other Dad and Mum and to show
care to other family members and he carried this responsibility amazingly
during these past few days.
We gathered up Dondon and Nayumi’s
things with hands that felt stiff and walked to the vehicle on numb feet while
strangers carried Dondon’s coffin and loaded it into the back of our
vehicle. About nine of the family crammed in beside the coffin and the
others rode behind on motorbikes. We started the slow drive home to Tumpagon,
with Paul carefully manoeuvring over the sharp corners and rough roads until we
finally arrived at about 1 pm. A crowd of people immediately surrounded the
vehicle and the wailing started as many hands reached up to lift the coffin
gently down and carry it into Bubuy and Wila’s home.
Usually funerals take place fast as
there is no embalming in the remote places like Tumpagon and here in Lapoc. But
because Dondon had died in the hospital and his body had been embalmed, the
family had more time and could wait for other family members to arrive from far
away.
Usually each time that someone new
arrives, there is screaming and wailing and throwing themselves at the coffin
but Paul reminded the family that we do not need to grieve as those who have no
hope and from then on, the mourners shed tears and there was crying but there
was no more wailing or screaming or throwing themselves on the floor or on the
coffin.
Usually a wake is held for the dead and
people stay up all night to make sure that the spirits don’t come and try to
steal the body and replace it with a banana tree trunk that looks like the
body. (Those who don’t know the Lord believe this amongst the Higaunon.)
But instead we just sat around and talked for two nights in a row and sung
songs of praise to the Lord and served coffee to all the guests. All of this
took place with Dondon’s body on view inside Bubuy and Wila’s lounge room. The
house and porch was packed with wall to wall people and the crowd spilled out
onto the road and neighbour’s houses.
Usually the unsaved family gather and
drink during funerals and they can start fighting or trying to wreck the house.
Well, this did happen. A group of Dondon’s unsaved uncles and cousins sat
outside and drank and argued and blamed Bubuy and Wila and the rest of the
family for Dondon’s death saying that they hadn’t done sacrifices to the
spirits and that is why Dondon died so young. Some of them started pulling
people up that were riding past on motorbikes and trying to get them to drink
with them and to argue with them. At one stage, one of them pulled out his
pistol and fired 4 shots into the air which caused a commotion. These same
people wouldn’t allow the funeral to go ahead on Tuesday morning as they said
they hadn’t had enough time to say their goodbyes to Dondon and they wanted to
be able to see his face some more – so the funeral was postponed until
Wednesday morning.
The heat was stifling in Tumpagon – 37
degrees Celsius (almost 100 degrees Fahrenheit) and extremely humid – and we
could do nothing to get comfortable. Wednesday morning seemed to be a long time
in arriving and it was extremely draining: the oppressive heat, the crowds, the
noise, the waiting, the weeping, the constant presence with us of a dead body,
the drunken sorrowers nearby......so it was almost a relief to file into the
church on Wednesday morning with our family and with Dondon’s coffin on display
at the front.
It was a very beautiful service and God
was glorified. Many people started the service with red eyes from crying, heads
hanging in grief....but as the service progressed and people heard the messages
and testimonies and songs, they started to hold their heads up and there were
sometimes even smiles and a bit of laughter.
Here are some of the highlights of the
time of commemoration we had of Dondon’s life and of all of Jesus’ blessings on
our family:
Paul’s message of hope and his
illustration
(using a rope and some small strands of
plastic) of our lives on earth being so
short and just like a vapour –
whether you reach 10 years or 70,
and of death for a believer like Dondon
just being the entrance into glorious
life
with the Lord, brought everyone’s
heads
up and the focus onto our Lord Jesus!
After Paul’s message,
Bubuy came and gave him
a hug which really
moved us all.
Jubab (right) and his brothers, sang
Dondon’s favourite song,
one written by the youth that starts off
saying:
“Jesus saved me and now I know that
heaven is where I am going...”
And this sums up the theme we had as a
family for Dondon’s funeral service, that as a family, each of us is trusting
Jesus because He saved us and each of us know that heaven is where we are
going, Dondon just got there first.
Nayumi sang a song that she had written
to sing if the Lord took Dondon from
her.
She had written it even before he died.
Beside her are her cousin and her older
sister and her sister’s husband.
Bubuy shared a beautiful message to his
unsaved family and Nayumi’s Dad shared as well about the love the Lord Jesus
had shown to Dondon and to Nayumi.
Jubab’s eldest brother Jò-jò
shared a beautiful eulogy
and then the four brothers
sang together.
At the graveside, after the service,
Jubab kept his hand on his brother
Nel-Nel’s shoulder while they sang
with their cousin.
The coffin was put into the grave
quietly and quickly with none of
the usual wailing and collapsing
that normally occurs and then we
all walked home in peaceful
silence.
Today we are back home in Lapoc and
Jubab just said that he feels like butter spread across too much bread. (A
quote from “Lord of the Rings” but a good description of what I think we all
feel.) Our bodies feel this way but not our hearts. If you ask Jubab how he is
feeling about Dondon being gone, he says, “Good.” The reason he says ‘good’ he
says is because he knows where Dondon is and that he’ll see him again.
“.........the day of death is better than the day of one’s birth.”
Eccles. 7:1b
